It's Kind of a Long Story... about A LADY GHOST

Scariest. Costume. Ever.

The last few posts have been kinda downers, so today’s long story is going to be a big handful of fun-size stories about the best holiday of the year… HALLOWEEN!

One of my favorite books is Love, Loss and What I Wore. Author and illustrator Ilene Beckerman tells her life story through the clothes she wore at key moments and turning points. It is simple, complex, heartening, heartbreaking and absolutely beautiful.

This week’s post is my own Love, Loss and What I Wore: The Halloween Edition

Next week? Pop the popcorn and get comfy. I’m going to tell the story of how I found out what I found out about my ex boyfriend. And boy, did I find out a LOT.

I’m so glad you’re here,

-Lara

The Devil is in the details…

Short story: 

I have worn and made some great costumes, but they’re not all winners. The Dirt Devil I made for my vacuum-obsessed Kindergartner is legendary. So is the Lady Ghost my mom made for me, but not for the same reasons.

Long story:

The first costume I can remember is this Little Red Riding Hood, complete with rosy cheeks. The hood was a hand-me down from my aunt Carol, who wore it in the 50s.

You can see the love, skill, talent, and detail my mom put into it. Hold that thought.

This is me and my friend Adam Siegel. We went to preschool together and our families were close. Adam’s family was super into health food and had a long narrow pantry with tall shelves full of jars of beans and grains and god knows what. They ground their own peanut butter. There was no soda or chocolate milk at their house, but for a treat we got “purple milk from the purple cow” which I can only imagine was dyed with beet juice.

They had been to Japan, which was pretty unusual back then. I remember the story they told of kids lining up to touch Adam’s head because they had never seen blond hair before. The Siegels had a Pachinko machine in their family room which was endlessly fascinating. I especially loved playing with the little tilting ash tray. The lawn in front of their house had this weird bumpy grass, and they flew carp kites on the kids’ birthdays. Adam was adopted, which was so intriguing. He’s now a musician who has played with The Eels, an artist, and production designer.

Other kid’s dads were all kinda scary when I was little. They didn’t seem to be around much, and when they were, the energy changed. Adam’s dad Alan was particularly terrifying because he threatened to “hang us by our thumbs” for some misbehavior. He never made good on that threat, but I could not get the image of me hanging from the rafters in the back of their big, dark garage out of my head.

Adam’s favorite game was Old People. We’d hunch over and pretend to walk with canes and he’d say in a croaky voice, “I’m soooo oooolllldddd. I’m going to die tommmorrrrowww.”

My Aunt Ruthy sewed my princess dress, and my mom made the hennin complete with a tulle veil. I have a distinct memory of helping her make the glitter and glue stripes.

My mom’s heretofore excellent costume skills failed her this year. She claims she saw the Lady Ghost (that’s what this is supposed to be) in a magazine. I wish I could have seen the photo that inspired this monstrosity. It would have it would be worthy of Nailed It: Costume Edition.

The kicker for me is the suede and sheering sleeve peeking out of the sheet. I wore coats like that a lot as a kid it was the style at the time. I have always hated visible coats or incongruous tennis shoes with Halloween costumes. I firmly believe you have to commit to the ‘fit from head to toe.

This is what Halloween looked like in the late 70s. A mish-mash of pop culture plastic-coveralls-and-suffocating-mask combos, like Darth Vader worn by David Zelleck and Wonder Woman worn by Can’t Remember, random stuff from your mom’s closet to make yourself into a Queen like me, Mexican Lady like Hilda Mendoza, and maybe a Movie Star? Not sure what either Lisa or Laura Molina (they were twins) was going for with that white dress.

My friend Leslie Melvin however had a mom who had access to a legit belly dancer outfit. I remember shopping with them at Carabell on Fairfax and Third for turquoise tights and a beige leotard for her to wear under it for Trick-or-Treating. No way that fabulous get-up was going to get covered by a jacket.

Leslie told me years later that the safety pin holding her skirt came undone in the hallway and Kevin Telles saw her underwear. She was mortified, but he was a perfect junior gentleman. He later became a chef, cookbook author and contestant on The Next Food Network Star.

I grew up in a heavily Jewish neighborhood with a large population of Hasidim. Not a prime spot for Trick-or-Treating. I’d go to the few houses on my block giving out candy, and then we’d go to Leslie’s in Hancock Park for the serious business.

She lived in a duplex in the more modest part of the neighborhood right off Beverly, but within a block or two the houses got huge and fancy and were more likely to be decorated. Back then, most houseswere only decorated with a jack-o-lantern or two for Halloween. But every so often - usually the home of a movie industry type - a house would be tricked out with major decor like smoke machines and robotic skeletons.

There was a persistent rumor that Donna Summer lived close by and gave out full-size candy bars. When people ask what it was like growing up in LA, it’s stuff like that.

One year my Trick-or-Treat bag broke and I had to carry one of the mom’s brown leather purse. It didn’t go with my costume or hold enough candy and I was very upset about it.

One year in High School I went as a New Romantic which is hilarious because it wasn’t that far off from what I wore every day.

My first year in college I was in a super crafty phase. I hand-sewed myself a huge wardrobe of plaid and striped skirts,and made myself this dress and mask, I finished the look with a vintage tux jacket and opera gloves. I told people I was going as Hala loween the concept, rather than a costume.

That was the first year I went to the Castro when it was a huge, raucous, and super fun street party. I went on Muni with a bunch of my newly-made dorm friends, including a cute guy named John Starr from the 4th floor who went as Carl Sagan.

That cute guy and I would go on to dress in a lot of couples’ costumes. In addition to the vampire bride and groom, we were Cruella de Vil and a Dalmation puppy, and Zsa Zsa Gabor and a Cop (I wish I had a good photo of that one!)

Max’s first costume was store-bought because he was only three weeks old and I didn’t have it in me to make something. It was our first Halloween in Marin and we were very excited to get Trick-or-Treaters!

When we lived in the City, we were in sort of a semi-legalone-bedroomm in the back half of a flat and didn’t expect any kids to come, but when we first moved in, the bell rang a few times. The next year, we decided to get a tray of full-size Hershey bars and blow the minds of the few kids who came. On Halloween ,we waited excitedly for the bell to ring and… nothing. We never got Trick-or-Treaters ever again.

We got lots on San Anselmo Avenue, ad were so impressed by how polite the kids were and the many homemade costumes.

We set the tiny clown on the floor of the living room in his car seat and one little girl in a dinosaur costume saw him and yelled, “Baby!” Shewalkedd right past the candy and into the house to check him out.

His first homemade costume was a little devil. I sewed a felt a pointed collar, cuffs, and tail onto a red union suit, made a felt pitchfork, and even got him red shoes, but the child refused to wear the soft, felt devil-ears headband I made him. It was foreshadowing for the 7 years between ages 7 and 14 that he lost all interest in Halloween and costumes.

When he was three I fashioned a really great Woody outfit inspired by the hat I acquired in a random bin for $.50 at the now long-gone Albertson’s in Fairfax. I found a yellow checked shirt at Goodwill and made the cow-print vest and Bullseye hobby horse. It did bother me that the cowboy boots were black and not brown, but it was the best Ebay could do.

Halloween morning he refused to put on the costume no matter how much I begged, bribed, and cajoled. I took him to preschool with the costume in a bag. His teacher Jenny said, “Don’t worry, we’ll get him to wear it.” I believed her. Those teachers were miracle workers.

However, when my mom went to pick him up that afternoon, Jenny handed her back the bag with a shrug and said, “We couldn’t do it.”

When I got home my mom said, “It took over an hour and a whole box of Animal Crackers, but I got him to put on most of the costume. He won’t wear the bandanna or button the shirt.” Fine. It was the best we were gonna do.

The kicker is he took to Trick-or-Treating like it was his life’s work. At one point in a frenzy of freedom and free candy, he went running down the street screaming, “Trick-or-Treat! Trick-or-Treat!” indiscriminately.

He turned a corner and he and a kid in a big, yellow, costume stared at each other in recognition and simultaneously blurted out:

“Spongebob!”

“Woody!”

For much of his early childhood, Max was obsessed with vacuums. He loved nothing more than to go to Sears to hang around the vacuum department. When he was lucky, the salesperson would toss a little dirt on the floor and give him a demonstration. Every Sunday we’d look at the ads in the paper and he’d point out the uprights, Dysons, and canisters.

He got his own stick vac for Hanukkah that year and you have never seen a happier kid. He used to do his version of an infomercial that he called “The Vacuum Show.” He could have moved ‘em by the truckload on QVC.

So when he saw this costume in Family Fun magazine, he said, “That’s me! That’s my costume. That’s me!”

And if I do say so, I did a pretty good job! The back even had attachments. That little piece jutting out of the bottom is the crevice tool he insisted on, and he’s holding the plug I made from yarn, foam core ,and electrical tape. My mom knit him a black hat I attached a handle made from a paper towel roll cut to bend like an elbow and covered in more electrical tape.

The Uglydoll fiasco was a huge fail. It was my Lady Ghost. I almost got Max to dress up and go Trick-or-Treating with the promise of an Ice Bat costume. But I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. I turned it into the world’s biggest Ugly Doll, and he stayed home and handed out candy.

Some very cool spiderweb lace fabric inspired this Black Widow costume. I even made red crystal tear-drop and black bead earrings, necklace, bracelet. I wish I had a better picture of the skirt, it was that same webby lace over dark grey silk.

When my exBF and I were dating, I considered wearing this costume on our trip to Las Vegas for Halloween. I asked him if he thought it was in poor taste now that I actually was a widow. He said, “No, don’t be silly. It’s not like you killed him.”

I gave him a look and said, “As far as you know… “

I decided against it and went with The Devil in the Blue Dress. Cris was the Dude from The Big Lebowski. I should have paid more attention when he chose a costume that practically required him to have a White Russian in his hand the entire time.

In 2021 I assembled the perfect Red Light, Green Light doll from Squid Game. I even made little tins of dalonga candy for the party at work and it won me First Prize in the costume contest!

However, when I went to my friend’s party on the Saturday of Halloweekend, not a single person knew who I was. Only one or two had even heard of Squid Game, which was the most popular show in the country at the time.

Sometimes it’s nice to live in a hippy-dippy town, sometimes it isn’t.

Last year I had three different outfits for Halloween. I was half of the Big Panda and Tiny Dragon costume at work. A Bat Lady for a party the Saturday before, and wore a spider sweater to work on the 31st.

At that point in my life, I was living out of two suitcases and two boxes, and I had three Halloween outfits. Because I have priorities.

The truth is though, that those smiles belie that I was going through one of the hardest, if not the hardest, times in my life. I had been out of my house for 16 months, had moved several times, and between mid-October and the mid of November that year I would move 5 times in four weeks.

The day of the Bat Lady party I’d been to a memorial service for a friend’s young adult son who had completed suicide. I was shocked to see that the person leading the service was the grief counselor I saw the year after John died. Our relationship did not end well. That’s another story.

The day after, I went on a date with a guy who was nice enough, but not a love connection by any stretch. He was into me, which wasn’t a point in his favor. At that time I was so stressed and my life was such a mess, there would have to be something really wrong with anyone who thought I was dateable.

I went back to my car after the date and had gotten a $78 parking ticket. Then I went back to my AirBnB and spent hours on the phone dealing with family and friend group drama.

The next day was Halloween, my favorite holiday, but I wasn’t doing anything Halloweenish because I had to move again that night. I was moving from one unit to another within the AirBnB (don’t ask). As I had done and would do several times, I packed up my car in the morning, went to work, and then moved into a new place that evening.

After work, I got a text from the ex that I now know was intended to make me crazy (it did), and when I got to the new Airbnb the code for the door didn’t work.

I remember going to bed that night thinking, “This is what a mental breakdown feels like.”

Because I said this post wouldn’t be a downer, we’re going to end on a high note!

This year my Halloween is happy indeed!

A couple of months ago my friend Denise brought over 15 - count ‘em! - 15 bags of clothes from a lady she was helping to move and downsize. I loved getting to know this stranger through her clothes. Michelle loved cats and was more than a little Goth-y!

In addition to a good-sized pile of regular things I took, I could not resist this dress and corset which fit perfectly! My Halloween was sorted! I added an $8 hat from Goodwill and some jewelry I already had.

I can’t deny I was a little bummed at how perfectly it fit. I’ve gained a lot of weight in the last year (not gonna lie, looking back at some of the photos from Halloweens past when I was thinner has been painful) so it was so thrilling and a huge ego boost to have so many people respond with, “Wow!” and “You look amazing” and “Men are going to follow you down the street!” when I went to a few parties in this drag. Even strangers at the club where I went dancing stopped me to tell me they loved my outfit.

Michelle’s cast-offs have cast a spell on my self-esteem.

Lara sez…

My recs this week are all Halloween-y too!

Listen!

80s deep cut of the week! Ministry’s “Every Day is Halloween” set against Max Fleischer animation weirdness. Old-school cartoons like this were a staple in the Starr House when Max was growing up. Bimbo’s Initiation is another fave.

Read!

I was never a fan of Interview with a Vampire. It was 300+ pages of Vampires whining about being Vampires. This one I couldn’t put down and it scared the bejeebus out of me.

Follow!

I came to Christine McConnell’s Instagram for the creepy cakes and stayed for the glamorous gothiness. She has a Netflix show too!

Buy!

In a recent New York Times story about candy corn (for the record, I am pro, but only when I come upon it. I don’t buy it) they credited an expert who was quoted in the story as the owner of a “researched-based candy store.” They just dropped that and didn’t explain what the heck it meant. It turns out True Treats is a delightful West Virginia candy store that sells sweets people have enjoyed through the ages, from ancient Rome to World War II. Lots of great gifts for your favorite history buff with a sweet tooth!

Watch!

Anne Rice’s vamps don’t do it for me, but David Bowie and Catherine Deneuve as the undead Blaylocks definitely do.

Eat!

If you’ve ever had one of my chocolate cakes, it was a Hershey’s Black Magic Cake. They show it on their website in a Bundt, but my favorite way is to make it in two round layers filled and frosted with The Cake Bible’s Coffee Neoclassic Buttercream and chopped toasted almonds pressed onto the sides.

Before I let you go…

I am so grateful I got the opportunity to tell Ilene Beckerman how much Love, Loss, and What I Wore meant to me. I met her my change at a publishing conference and was thrilled and delighted when she commented when I tagged her on Facebook in a post about the book.

I can’t tell you how much it means to me when you let me know you’re reading and enjoying It’s Kind of a Long Story… If you’re so inclined, please leave a comment or hit reply and share your thoughts, feedback, questions, or concerns.