It's Kind of a Long Story... about CARE
Who does?
Hey Drama Goblins,
I have a couple of posts half-drafted, but none ready for reading.
Skipping another week is what I need/have to do. There are just too many other things pulling at my time. Things I want/have to do.
It’s been really, really hard to… admit defeat. That’s what this feels like. Like I’m letting you and myself down and dammit, Lara, can’t you achieve just one goal?
It’s been really, really hard to not frame not posting as defeat. So hard, that I’m writing this at 6:20am on Weds to… excuse, justify, confess… I’m not sure, but I know I feel driven to do it.
I would tell anyone that it’s OK to let this writing practice… evolve. It’s OK to lean into the many other things you like, want and have to do. The world will keep spinning. No one will think less of you. They’ll be there if/when you resume regular programming.
I know those things. And I don’t fully feel them. Not yet. I still care, and I want you to care too. I want you to look forward to getting my emails and miss them when you don’t get them and I’m not fully convinced deep down in my soul that if I don’t offer up enough of myself, that I won’t continue to be welcome/invited.
That’s an old, angry, snarly, dragon I’m constantly battling. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, sometimes I can do just enough to keep it at bay.
Today, I’m doing just enough writing.
I’m so glad you’re here,
Lara
Reframing a phrase:
Sometimes you win
Sometimes you lose
Sometimes it rains
A baseball analogy from one of my favorite movies, Bull Durham.
Rain will derail the best laid plans.
Rain also makes the flowers (& crops) grow.
But no matter what, we have no control over when, where or how long it rains.
Rain is that awesome place in between winning and losing that gives us permission to just roll with what we’ve got in the moment and see where it takes us.
Lara don’t beat your self up.
Go out and dance int the rain.
I read this and am glad that you have enough in your life to keep you busy and growing, and it's completely OK to move a project to a different frequency or status as things evolve around you. We are not meant to stay in one state of mind/time/interest forever. When I read what you say here about having other things that you want and need to do, I hear someone who is taking care of herself in multiple ways, and that's good. I know those inner demons too, and they are hard to battle, but I'm glad you have a rich full life and that sometimes you are too busy to sit down at the computer (which, in my mind, is a good thing!) Love you!