It's Kind of a Long Story... about TRAVEL (Part I)
The journey of a thousand miles begins with deciding to go
Hey Drama Goblins,
I just got back from 10 days of traveling in Mexico. I brought back a few souvenirs, many photos, and… stories:
Taking out the trash like a real Mexicana (you listen for the bell and go out to the corner to the truck or cart)
Throwing up for the first time in 25 years (I think it was the fish)
Thanking a feminist activist for her work, in Spanish (Gracias Mr. Becker, the legendary Spanish teacher at John Burroughs Jr. High)
Swimming in a cenote (an amazing underground pool with stalactites and mites)
Having breakfast at a Sears (with a million-dollar view!)
And just like there’s a difference between vacationing and traveling, there is a difference between an amusing anecdote about something that happened and a story about something. When Max was growing up, we paused movies and TV shows to talk about those differences a lot. We’d recap what just happened, then talk about what it was about. He was both a curious and insightful kid and… very indulgent of his parents.
What I’m hoping to do in this space is tell stories that are about something. At least most of the time, there are also some like The Burrito on the Shoulder, The Smoking Bathrobe, and The Time We Stole the Germans’ Breakfast that are just funny. I will be getting to those.
This recent trip was about a lot of things. I’m so grateful for the experience, and also glad to be home.
And, as always, I’m so glad you’re here.
-Lara
Take a Little Trip, Take a Little Trip, Take a Little Trip with Me…
Short story:
It took me a long time to make travel a priority. For most of my life, it seemed like a luxury. An indulgence. Something other people did. Some of that was reality, some of it was mindset. I traveled mostly domestically and mostly for work or events until I was in my 40s. I am both proud of and grateful for the adventures I have had.
Long story:
I make a distinction between vacationing and traveling. Vacationing is about relaxing and restoring. About making as few decisions as possible. An all-inclusive resort. A cruise. A beach. You don’t need a vacation from your vacation.
Traveling is about experiencing and exploring. Making a million decisions every day. Packing a lot in because you’re not likely to come back and you don’t want to miss anything. Taking in art and food and people and music and sites and smells until you are physically and mentally full. You often need a vacation after traveling.
I didn’t grow up traveling or vacationing. It wasn’t part of the culture of my family. Before my parents separated when I was 9, the only trips I can vaguely recall are going to the San Diego Zoo with another family, a cabin in Lake Arrowhead with my grandparents, and a road trip to San Francisco where we stayed with family friends and I wondered how on earth kids in SF trick-or-treated with all of the hills and steps.
I took my first plane trip at age 12 to New York to visit my paternal grandparents. It was weird and awkward. My memories are snippets and snapshots. Seeing New York City from a tour bus. Standing on the side of a cold snowy freeway after the car broke down on the way back to New Jersey. My father blaming some misunderstanding on the train for not being the way they do it in California (although I don’t think he ever took a train in California) My Grandma Betty asking me if I felt the lack of religion in my life (umm… no?) Visiting some random relatives who barely seemed to know who we were and snagging as many peanut M&Ms from the thick cut crystal glass dish as I could without calling too much attention to myself.
I have vague memories of trips to Tijuana, which Californians all agree doesn’t really count as going to Mexico. One was prompted by a visit from New Jersey relatives when I was a young teen, the other was with my mom and her boyfriend many years later. I brought John back a bottle of tequila with a worm that broke in my luggage on the way home.
When I was a teenager, my mom traveled for work a lot and I felt “travel adjacent” hearing stories about Denver, Dallas, Chicago, Atlanta, and Seattle. Hilton points and United miles. Her tricks and tips ("Lie to the Super Shuttle driver, otherwise you’ll get to the airport way too early.”) She and her boyfriend took several vacations to Hawaii that were adults-only. I never questioned that my brother and I weren’t included.
My best friend was half-Japanese and went to Japan every few years to visit family. One year, my mom floated the idea of asking her family if I might come along. They were happy to have me, but the cost was too much. My mom thought they were staying with relatives, but they stayed in hotels and ate in restaurants. I appreciate that she wanted to make that trip happen for me. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her to suggest it, or to tell me it couldn’t happen.
In high school, I went on the Close Up trip to Washington DC. My cousin Randy generously contributed to the cost. I remember thinking it was so strange to be at the airport and on a plane and in another city with kids I saw at school every day. We roomed with kids from Delaware and Michigan who thought we were weird because we were excited about the snow. We thought they were weird because they called soda “pop” and wore pink ruffled dresses to the closing night dinner. I wore a vintage full black taffeta skirt, a short black tuxedo jacket, a wide-brimmed black felt hat, lots of rhinestones, and extremely pointy black patent leather kitten heels. I was very impressed with DC. I’ll never forget the feeling of awe walking into the Library of Congress. I’ll also never forget checking the day’s hearings schedule so we could see Congressman Gopher.
In college, I visited a friend in Boston, and we went to New York for a couple of days . There are a lot of stories from that trip, like when the taping of the Phil Donahue show we had tickets for was canceled. We felt bad for being mad when we learned the reason. He was serving as a pallbearer at Ryan White’s funeral.
My mom gave me a ticket to New Orleans as a college graduation gift, and my friend Audryn and I went to Mardi Gras and had a blast. We laissez les bons temps rouler so much that following some guys we met at a bar to some other part of town seemed like a fine idea! We were lucky they were perfect Southern gentlemen.
In my 20s, I had the opportunity to travel for work. To the American Bookseller’s Association Conventions, and once to Chicago for the launch of Michael Jordan’s book Rare Air. I was at a private taping of his interview with Larry King. I got to see the ceremonial donning of Larry’s trademark suspenders. He stood there with his arms out while an assistant secured them to his pants.
My husband John and I didn’t travel much together. As the youngest of 10 in a family without a lot of money, travel, and vacations were not even a consideration for him growing up, and his social anxiety sometimes made the inevitable stressful situations that happen when you travel more difficult. And money was always tight.
For our honeymoon, we did a week-long road trip. It wasn’t the best idea we ever had. We had a good time, but it was a lot of driving and hotels and decisions. In retrospect, after the stress and build-up and excitement of the wedding, a vacation would have been a much, much better idea. And, there were mishaps. John thought he lost his glasses at Hearst Castle. We went back, but they didn’t have them. He couldn’t see a thing without them and only had sunglasses, so we ate takeout in our room that night. We watched a British TV show called Chef where I learned the phrase “Yes, Chef” decades before The Bear. He happened to have a copy of his prescription in his wallet, so we drove to the nearest LensCrafters. While we waited for his specs to be made, we wandered the almost empty mall. There was an arcade in the basement, and the batting cage guy let John swing as much as he wanted. Which didn’t turn out to be much, because he tweaked his wrist on the first few hits. So, I drove the next leg of the trip. When I pulled into the parking lot at the Disneyland hotel, I found his glasses in the map pocket.
We went to Vegas for a long weekend when I got a very generous severance after a layoff. We had a blast. John won a $25 jackpot on his first slot machine pull that we continued to win and lose and lose and win a quarter at a time. We saw an afternoon vaudeville-style comedy show called Bottoms Up (“Bottoms Up is Good Clean Fun!”) that was so weird and… sincere. At one point a wizened little old man lifted his pantlegs and clanged symbols attached to his knees to the beat of the Flying Lizards’ version of “Money” and we absolutely lost it. To this day that is the longest and hardest I have ever laughed.
We went to Sea Ranch a couple of times. He had been there with a friend on a road trip in high school and had a lot of affection for the place. It wasn’t easy to find a small house for just the two of us. Most of them are large and meant for families. I believe moms when they say they enjoy camping or beach house vacations, but the idea of doing everything you do at home - cooking, washing dishes, doing laundry, taking care of your kids - without the comfort of home doesn’t seem like much of a vacation to me.
On the way home from one of the trips, John said, “How can we keep this relaxed feeling?” I said, “Unless we quit our jobs and put the kid up for adoption, we can’t.”
The last trip we took together was to London in 2004, twelve years before he died. I had an opportunity to go for work, and not knowing if or when we’d ever have an opportunity to travel to Europe again, he came with. One day while I was working our booth at the London Book Fair, he went to Paris for the day. I was very proud of him for booking the adventure. He wasn’t very comfortable outside of his comfort zone, and usually relied on me for planning, logistics, and figuring things out. As I waited for him to come back to our hotel, I knew he would either have had an amazing time, or he’d storm in, slam the door, and yell, “Fuck the French!” Luckily, it was the former. He had a wonderful time! He saw the Mona Lisa, had a cone at Bertillion like I had years earlier, and figured out how to take selfies at the Eiffel Tower. However, he was too intimidated by the language barrier to go to a cafe for lunch, so all he ate in Paris was a hot dog and a diet Coke from a street vendor.
At one point in London, we saw an American couple walking a toddler in a stroller up a very, very long staircase out of the underground. They were cranky and bickering and the kid was cranky and fussing. We looked at each other and said, “We are sooo glad we didn’t bring Max.” He was only four at the time, and wouldn’t have understood or appreciated the trip. At that age and stage, he was really excited to go to Home Depot.
Which we should have kept in mind when we decided to go to Disneyland a year later. I grew up going to Disneyland and was excited to take him for the first time. But, living in Southern California, it was easy. You went, you had fun, you drove home. Coming from the Bay Area, it’s more of an endeavor. Multi-day tickets. Hotels. Restaurants. Long drives. And after all that, the kid hated it. Well, most of it. He liked the carousel and It’s a Small World, but would not go on any “dark rides.” He was ready to go home after the first day. Oh hell no, kid. We have three-day park-hopper passes. You’re not going anywhere. He liked California Adventure better, and the Magic Kingdom marginally better when my mom took us two years later, although he did curl himself up in a ball in the bottom of the boat on Pirates of the Caribbean muttering, “Tell me when it’s over”
As Max got older, we both got bolder. I wanted him to see more of the world, and I wanted to as well.
To be continued…
Know someone who would get something out of that story? Please share.
Lara sez…
Listen!
80s deep cut of the week! In the words of Johnny Rotten, “May the road rise with you!”
Read!
A facebook friend’s recent post about Eat, Pray, Love prompted me to comment:
I was SHOCKED that I liked it. I went into it with a bad attitude and huge chip on my shoulder that were 99% fueled by envy.
Does everyone or (anyone else) get to do what she did? No. Does that mean she shouldn't have? No.
Sometimes the best way to honor your privilege is to take advantage of it.
Ultimately, I was thrilled by the idea that she put herself first. She did what she wanted and needed to do in a way she had the means and opportunity to do it.
She risked a lot to share the experience in the book. People made fun of her and called her selfish. Selfish gets a bad rap in our culture. Women only get kudos for doing things that help others.
She *did* help others. She shared her experience with so many people. And as she wrote in EPL, she wasn't doing much good for anyone else crying on the subway every night.
It was a risk that paid off. There was no guarantee it would be so successful.
EPL, Wild, and other books about pretty white women who dare to take a journey often inspire eye rolling. I get it. I'm as cynical as the next gal.
And, they laid the ground for me to be able to take an FMLA mental health leave when I needed it. My journey was not external (I don't have the means or inclination to travel the world or take on a physical challenge) but it was essential to my survival.
I had the privilege of not having anyone depending on me, savings and disability and other programs to bridge the gap.
I struggled very, very hard to take it and during the first few weeks of the leave. It was ultimately life-saving.
I wish that experience for everyone who wants or needs it. And I want to know their stories.
Buy!
International flights often have footrests. Nice motor coaches too. But domestic flights? Sorry, suckers. You gotta suffer. And possibly get a blood clot. This ridiculous-looking gizmo was a life-safer on my recent trip.
Watch!
We are big fans of the dry humor of Richard Ayoade at the Starr House, and his Travel Man series is a rollicking good time. It’s no surprise my favorite episode is Hong Kong with Jon Hamm.
Eat!
Sikil Pak is a super yummy dip from the Yucatan that I had several times on my trip to Merida, and even got to make in a cooking class!
Before I let you go…
I still have a few Drama Goblin notebooks to give away!
Two ways to win!
Comment below or reply to the email with a thought, suggestion, or words of encouragement.
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