It's Kind of a Long Story... about A SKINNY BITCH

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't me

Hey Drama Goblins,

Another busy week. Busy with good stuff and fun stuff and I am also practicing prioritizing rest.

It’s taken me a long time to understand that it’s necessary.

So while I will have a Part II to Drama, this week’s long story is a dip back into the archives.

I’m so glad you’re here,

Lara

A Trainer Gets Personal

Short Story

A guy stopped me on the street to recommend a bestselling book. It wasn’t How to Win Friends and Influence People. It was a diet book called Skinny Bitch.

Long Story

This is from my long-defunct blog, It Aint What You Do, It’s The Way That You Do It

May 29, 2007

“So I'm walking toward the ferry this afternoon and a guy on a bike is coming toward me. I get out of his way, but he calls out "Excuse me!" He's perfectly normal-looking, and I'm thinking he wants directions or something so I stop and smile. And he says, "I don't mean to offend you, but I'm a personal trainer. It’s what I do for a living, and I have book I think you should read."

Does this guy REALLY walk (or in this case bike) up to overweight women and say this? Is this how he gets clients for his supposed personal training? Would he DARE do so to a man? I politely, yet firmly said, "I'm heading for my ferry" and walked away.

But Mr. Muscles was undeterred. He turned his bike around and rode passed me (almost) yelling, "It's called Skinny Bitch! It’s a very good book!"

Now of course, it took me more than an hour to come up with the appropriate comeback, "I have a book for you too, it's called Rude Asshole" But at the time I was just dumbstruck. Had some stranger really called out the words Skinny Bitch at me in a plaza full of people?

Now, this isn't the first time I've had bizarre encounters with random strangers on the street. Two that stand out in my mind are:

1) The probable pedophile who came up to me when I was 15 and said he was working on a calendar of large women and did I want to be in it? Also undeterred when I walked away, he called out "It’s for the Olympics!" (it *was* LA in 1984)

2) There was a nutty lady who lived in our neighborhood when I was a kid who used to giggle whenever she walked by you on the street. But one time, she said "I'll eat your pussy for a dollar."

Unlike these two, Muscles didn't seem crazy, just terribly, terribly misguided and delusional. I'm sure in his mind he was just honestly trying to spread the good news about Skinny Bitch to the flabby souls who have not yet been saved.

Mother of God, they also wrote this.

And, in a thought process that can also probably be accurately described as delusional, I thought, "Maybe this is the universe telling me something. I've struggled with my weight for my whole life. Lost a lot, gained a lot, and I'm definitely at an all-time high. Maybe there’s something in Skinny Bitch that will help - and the universe has sent me this message in the form of a jerk on a Schwinn."

Gotta give it to the bitches, this is a clever title

So I get on Amazon tonight and look up Skinny Bitch and it’s a book written by two MODELS that basically uses a lot of vulgar language and name-calling and extols the virtues of a vegan lifestyle. The 140 reviews range from "This book changed my life!" to "This book is total ca-ca." There's nothing in the reviews that makes me think this is a book that I would like or find value in. And yet... I can't shake the feeling that I'm "supposed" to read this book. I think I've been watching too much "Lost." I have no intention of BUYING it, but I may (that's MAY) get it from the library. If I do, I will of course have to cover it in a brown wrapper. I am who I am, and I can't hide my extra pounds, but I am NOT prepared to be seen on the ferry reading a copy of Skinny Bitch.”

I never read Skinny Bitch. I’ve never read any diet book.

About 4 years later, on New Year’s Day 2011, I stepped on the scale for the first time in a long time.

It read: 300lbs.

Then and there I decided to do something about my weight.

Like most (all?) women, I’d tried lots of things. Nothing had ever worked.

I don’t know why it worked then, but it did. I developed a system that worked for me, and lost 150lbs over the next three years.

I reached my goal of becoming half of the woman I used to be.

This is how I did it.

I beat the odds and (pretty much) maintained my weight for about ten years. Then the combination of a tree falling on my house, being displaced for two years, the long, drawn-out end of a romantic relationship, menopause, almost chronic insomnia, and a million other stresses broke me. I just didn’t have it in me to pay the kind of attention I needed to do to eat in a way that served me best.

It’s been very, very difficult to go through the world as a heavy woman again. I did the thing women are never, ever supposed to do. Fat is the worst thing a woman can be.

I thought I had cracked the code. I thought I’d figured it out. I was sure enough to get rid of clothes that no longer fi

And as much as it pains me to admit it, it feels like I lost and my exBF won because I gained weight since we broke up. Even though he has too. Even though his opinion of me shoudn’t matter. Even though he has no idea that I have. Even though my life is so full of fun and friendship and love.

This shizz is deep and defies logic.

I’m glad and proud to say that since the beginning of the year, things are going in the right direction. And by things, I mean the needle on the scale.

I’m 15lbs down and can (kinda) feel it.

I’m hopeful that within the year I’ll be able to wear some of the clothes I love so much that I haven’t been able to wear in so long.

And, I’m working on accepting that I may not.

Lara Sez…

Listen!

80’s Deep Cut of the Week!

Read!

The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay is so beautiful. I fell deep into it and and couldn’t put it down.

Buy!

I’m frugal by nature and necessity, but every so often I like to buy myself something relatively silly and frivolous. A friend recommended these markers, and they are so fun to play with! I’m not a good drawer and am not exactly sure what I’ll do with them, but I know that the time with come when they will be exactly what I need.

They write on any surface smoothly, thickly and beautifully. Glass! Ceramics! Rocks!

Watch!

Eat!

I eat a lot of watermelon salad in the summer. I just kind of wing it with watermelon, basil, red onion and feta with a drizzle of olive oil and vinegar.

Before I let you go…

Y’all, the world is getting scarier by the day. J.D. freakin’ Vance. Project 2025. The D surviving the assassination attempt.

The only way through it is to STAY ENGAGED. Resist, Insist and Persist at every opportunity, and Get. Out. The. Vote!

Nothing is more important than getting Dems to the polls.

Do what you can. Not everyone is into postcarding or canvassing. That’s legit. You can donate money, text bank, surface stories on social media, and make sure everyone you know is registered to vote and has a voting plan.

You’ll want to have a good answer when your grandkids ask you what you did to stop The D.