This was such a provocative read, Lara, thank you. I would’ve told you to say something. I can’t let things fester in my mind anymore, and so I like to get it out. Like you said, there are ways to express it without being rude or aggressive. But I think letting someone know that their behavior was not appreciated is empowering. Of course, maybe that’s why I am still single, but I wouldn’t have it any other way unless I can express myself fully and authentically. I hope I’m wrong when I say this, but people who tell you to let it go should explain why to you before giving that advice. With this said, I think it’s incredibly revelatory to realize that we sometimes are asking advice when what we really need is validation. Again… A provocative read! Thank you.
Thank you so much for reading and your kind words. And yes, I can't think of a time when I've regretted saying what was clawing to get out. I can think of times I've regretted not saying something. One of the many gifts of age.
This is an exact example of why this is my favorite type of writing. You reach people in very intimate ways, and the "jean/note moments" make it so inspiring. It keeps me going, and I love this moment for you.
I had a close (I thought) seven year friendship suddenly dissolve one year and I kept asking what was wrong (and getting, "Nothing! Really!" )No matter how many ways I tried to find out what happened I was stonewalled. So I wrote a letter and expressed my questions and hurt over it. I asked several people if they thought I should send it (reading it out loud each time). My husband finally told me he didn't think I should send it. He said, "Because then you'll have her in your head all the time again....you'll wonder if she received it. You'll wonder what she thinks. of it. You'll wonder if she's going to respond and what she will say. It'll take longer to heal." I don't think this is always the right answer but in this case, he knows me well. And he was right. But most of the time, I speak up.
I'm so sorry that happened, and so glad your husband was able to offer you the advice your needed. I was in a similar sitch. I chose to send the letter, and don't regret it even though I never heard back. There's no right answer.
Thanks, Lara! I'll read it. I think my husband was right since he knows me well. I was so hurt and confused by this experience. We were very close for 7 years and ate all holiday meals together, etc. We had no family around and they really opened up their home to us after I had brain surgery (we met in an airport on the way home from that surgery!). I actually think she got upset because I stopped going to the Catholic Church they went to but she wouldn't admit it....just froze me out. I still feel hurt and confused although I don't think about it much any more. I may change my mind about sending the letter after I read your post. Thank you, Lara!
This was such a provocative read, Lara, thank you. I would’ve told you to say something. I can’t let things fester in my mind anymore, and so I like to get it out. Like you said, there are ways to express it without being rude or aggressive. But I think letting someone know that their behavior was not appreciated is empowering. Of course, maybe that’s why I am still single, but I wouldn’t have it any other way unless I can express myself fully and authentically. I hope I’m wrong when I say this, but people who tell you to let it go should explain why to you before giving that advice. With this said, I think it’s incredibly revelatory to realize that we sometimes are asking advice when what we really need is validation. Again… A provocative read! Thank you.
Thank you so much for reading and your kind words. And yes, I can't think of a time when I've regretted saying what was clawing to get out. I can think of times I've regretted not saying something. One of the many gifts of age.
The jeans! How cool is that?!
So cool! I love 'em. They came with a really lovely and heartfelt note that made my day/week.
This is an exact example of why this is my favorite type of writing. You reach people in very intimate ways, and the "jean/note moments" make it so inspiring. It keeps me going, and I love this moment for you.
I have Teenage Enema Nurse on my Discogs wishlist
It's a classic! I hope you get it!
So proud of you for 1. Letting it rest, getting input from other sources and 2. Speaking your mind! And ps, that tart looks amazing!
Thank you so much <3 The tart was good! I'm def. gonna put it into the rotation.
“Letting it slide” can manifest into “letting it fester”. I’m a lot like you.
Yes, exactly! <3
I had a close (I thought) seven year friendship suddenly dissolve one year and I kept asking what was wrong (and getting, "Nothing! Really!" )No matter how many ways I tried to find out what happened I was stonewalled. So I wrote a letter and expressed my questions and hurt over it. I asked several people if they thought I should send it (reading it out loud each time). My husband finally told me he didn't think I should send it. He said, "Because then you'll have her in your head all the time again....you'll wonder if she received it. You'll wonder what she thinks. of it. You'll wonder if she's going to respond and what she will say. It'll take longer to heal." I don't think this is always the right answer but in this case, he knows me well. And he was right. But most of the time, I speak up.
I'm so sorry that happened, and so glad your husband was able to offer you the advice your needed. I was in a similar sitch. I chose to send the letter, and don't regret it even though I never heard back. There's no right answer.
I wrote about that experience here:
https://larastarr.substack.com/p/its-kind-of-a-long-story-about-auld
Thanks, Lara! I'll read it. I think my husband was right since he knows me well. I was so hurt and confused by this experience. We were very close for 7 years and ate all holiday meals together, etc. We had no family around and they really opened up their home to us after I had brain surgery (we met in an airport on the way home from that surgery!). I actually think she got upset because I stopped going to the Catholic Church they went to but she wouldn't admit it....just froze me out. I still feel hurt and confused although I don't think about it much any more. I may change my mind about sending the letter after I read your post. Thank you, Lara!